Everyday feels like a new beginning. I now wake up with a new perspective every morning and instead of automatically get discouraged and depressed by a challenge I think: What can I do to solve that.
I’ve been feeling invincible for a few weeks now. You might say it’s dangerous as it’s easy to fall back into old habits but that’s the thing with my method; I keep reminding myself that. I’ve become well skilled at noticing emotions right away. I can pinpoint the exact moment when my brain switched from one feeling to another and the face reaction it creates. I haven’t been able to control both at the same time yet but at least I catch it faster than before now.
No unnecessary negative feeling creeps into my subconscious anymore. If it does, I seriously kick its ass. The process is quite remarkable. If I’d be more of a scientist, this could have made an excellent experiment. I have been although very engrossed in the process and documented it mostly in my head. Very dangerous to do so, I know, but let me take you through my mind for a moment.
Over the years, my subconscious has build this wonderful archive of memories, likes, wants, dislikes..ect.. This archive system appears to me as a house. It’s an old house, has different rooms with different objects and people in it, not always appearing as relevant. (Like the time I saw the kitchen for the time and all it had was an boiling overflowing coffeemaker.) But no matter what there is in that house, it is a reflection of who I am.
Growing up, I had extreme nightmares which only increased as I got older. As the years went by, I realized that I was aware I was dreaming and so from there, I was conscious in dreams and it made everything so much worse. I started dreaming of this little girl in college that looked like me as a child. She was sadistic and scary. Never directly harming me but it was always chaos when she was around and staring with her dead eyes a smile of razor blades. The more she appeared in my dreams, the worse my mental state got. After numerous attempts at understand and hours of research with friends, we came to the conclusion that the little was the reflection of the child I couldn’t let go. She was a mirage of guilt and regrets and still to this day, it makes perfect sense.
So she was there, I knew she was in my dream yet I couldn’t control those dreams like I could in other and that’s what freaked me out the most. She had complete power over me. Then I started noticing that every time I fell into a depression pattern, it was like she was talking to me, telling me things that weren’t nice. I understand this sounds crazy, it wasn’t like I could hear voices outside of my head, but if you have been into a depression or know anyone, it does feel like you are trapped into your own head with someone else. Or it did to me anyways. And so she was trapped in my head, causing me harm. Each day I tried my best to control my dreams more and more as to figure out why she was there, what she wanted and what I needed to do to get rid of her.
After a few years of trying to do that and achieving some results I randomly watched something on TV: BBC Horizon – Why do we dream?
I suggest you watch it as it goes into subjects I won’t go in here but if you don’t it’s ok the main idea is basically the explanation that the dreams are a projection of your everyday life + memories and all this is processed into a montage of randomness to give you answers to your waking problems. Of course the dreams don’t make sense to you and you can’t recall most of it half the time therefore not making it so useful for the general public. But this fascinated me to an extent that I couldn’t understand. So I went deeper and researched what the lucid dreaming was all about and how it could benefit me.
I found websites that talked of using lucid dreaming as a form of cure for depression. As you can control the dreams and you’re aware, you can easily detect the answers to your problems and even go as far to reproduce events exactly how you’d like them to go. This was related to the fabulous Law of Attraction. Exciting isn’t it? You can actually control your brain, at night, to learn something, play better basket ball or even write a book.
And so with that information, the adventure of a better tomorrow started…
Note*This post was first published on Life as a Loaded Gun