Exactly 2.5 hours before I turn 25. It’s silly, I’ve never been one to care much about birthdays so why is this year different? Perhaps it’s due to the way I’ve been feeling lately? Or maybe because this year I actually feel like I want to celebrate myself in some fashion. I have come a long way since depression and bullshit childhood traumas after all, I deserve a bit of “yay-me” time.
In the past months, it’s amazing how much I’ve grown. I’ve spent a great deal of my short life searching for myself. Who I was, what I liked or didn’t like. I made the wrong choices and took the wrong turns but somehow I feel like it led me somewhere wonderful. I simply don’t regret anything that happened and can sincerely say that I would not change a thing. If we are the products of our surroundings, mine have formed a woman I have every intention on getting to know. I realize more than ever what I can achieve now but most importantly I am proud to be who I am. I am also excited that I finally found what I wanted to do with my life. You know, the one thing you can’t live without, it’s the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning, the one thing in your life that no matter what happens, it will always be there and no one will EVER take it away from you. So yeah, that passion towards a “career”, I found it. I chose to be an author. *crowd bursts into applause*
Having a “passion” is quite a concept. Most of us go through life unaware of beautiful experiences we’re missing and our real passion lies there dormant all our of lives. Afraid of breaking out of your routine, falling deeper and deeper into a world of Ikea furniture, 2.5 kids with the shiny cars and the big house you can’t afford. The perfect wife/husband and the cute golden retriever that delivers your slippers and newspaper when you come home from your big downtown corporate office where you work way too hard for the salary you make considering you attended the best University in the country for the last 7 years. Most of us won’t get to explore what this life is all about, what this earth has to offer… I feel sad for our societies when I think about that. How can you grow as a human being, expend your mind to new horizons, explore….if you never break free from what society says is the right thing to do? Yes, sharing your life with another and forming a family is a wonderful thing, but I can’t help to think how many of us fall into this trap but really want to escape? How many of us are confided to cubicles when they want to explore the tombs of Egypt, eat pastries in Paris or go party in New York City?
When I think of the Government and what they have build for us, in a way I am thankful that my own country isn’t at war(here anyways), I can go walk down the street at 2am and I know for certain I will not get shot or rape. I can vote and speak my mind freely, and for that I am forever grateful of the life I was handed. As bad as it was, I know I had it better than some kids out there. Although another part of me can’t help but feel angry towards society. How the present came to be is quite fascinating. But what if things were different? What if we’d all have equal opportunities to explore the world as much as we wanted? Wouldn’t that be fantastic?!
I wonder…. I wonder when I will have a chance to break out. I know I will one day, I just don’t know the exact date yet. It’s all about taking it one day at a time. Work everyday towards a goal even if it’s a small contribution. One day, those small contributions will end up being one big project. And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I want to be an author, writer(whatever you call it) more than anything. I have become obsessed with the idea, it consumes me like nothing ever has. Which is exciting and scary and makes me totally happy. I’ve been researching and forming my story for over a year now but it’s coming along great. I started writing it too although I face challenges, I’m not going to give up. I’m working towards a series of books with this story and I am hoping the world will like it.
I must say that I am quite excited to turn 25 and must admit that I never thought I’d make it that far. With the problems I faced in the past, everything constantly led me to believe that I would simply not be around by then. Before you panic, I’m not talking about suicide, I’m talking of the general feeling I had. I thought it was going to be in a car accident to be honest… and I avoided cars as much as I could for that reason. Until last year when I got over it. After I turned 24, everything started becoming clearer and clearer every day and I could see a path before me.
I fell passionately in love with Life. I raise my glass(coffee) to who I am. For I have found myself despite the storms.
May the mist of the rain sparkle my existence and the sun shine forever upon my path wherever it may lead.