What else is there to do when you’ve come across a point your life where everything collapses and somehow doesn’t make sense. When everything you wanted and thought you needed somehow feels like a burden to go through.
When a person goes through so much as a child those fears and feelings move on to the adult life as well. And when the past is so intensified through your every action when would a person know they have reached their mental capacity to feel anything else but past feelings?
Sometimes it’s easy to make the right decisions and never look back. Ideally this is what we should always do. But when it comes to making a decision because you’ve come across a point where you need to choose between what you need and what you want , problems will somehow creep in your perfectly laid out plans.
Love. A feeling we all feel, have and lose at sum point in our lives. It’s inevitable. Feelings are part of our everyday lives. We feel them at any day for any reason. It’s clear common sense….But when your feelings contradict themselves all the time and you always end up making the wrong decisions. When your mental space gets overcrowded and you need to escape. Breathing becomes a chores and moving on seems as silly as Santa Clause…..When at only 1/4 of your life you can’t imagine feeling anything more then you already have in the past. When your childhood feelings have been so colourful and you’ve already seen what in the eyes of the public is a little too much for your own good…when does it stop? When does negative feelings and wrong ideals followed by disappointments stop? It consumes you like no other feeling. Leaving you with obsessions, jealousy and fear of abandonment. It is the most wonderful feeling and great on so many level…but on every level you bargain your sanity…It is a feeling so powerful, so strong, so vibrant that it is hard to ignore and hard to get over. To walk away from it is one of the greatest emotional pain you’ll probably ever have to do but sometimes necessary to find yourself and be able to love completely later….
Follow your heart they say…..sometimes your heart feels as cold as ice and to follow it would lead you right into the grip of self-pity and ice cream buckets. When your heart emptied itself completely to leave you stranded in the prison that you’ve carefully built over the years to fight for all the bad feelings and block out the worse so you can hope for the good the only thing left to do is keep on walking…
When does a person know when to get up and walk away from bad when you don’t really know how good really feels?
The past is part of who you are. It shakes you to your every core. Deep into your soul. It consumes your entire being. The trick is to let go, move on and learn from your mistakes…mistakes of others that were implied on you. Point taken it’s much easier to say then actually do. But sometimes…..that’s just life.
That’s just life and the way we made it to be and without love and pain we wouldn’t have much. You can never really appreciate something if it’s always accessible. You might be aware that you’re lucky for having so much of it but deep down you’ll never understand what it really means to have it.
Life is strange…and taking chances, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone takes everything out of someone. This might built or brake you. No matter what it does….It will form a part of you that you weren’t aware. A part where you find your strength through the weaknesses.
It is only when truly understand what makes you YOU is when you break free from the past. It is only when you truly feel, deep inside, a freedom you somehow do not understand, a freedom that leaves your heart so empty yet excited that you get to refuel your mechanism. Emotionally, physically and spirituality complete…..Only when complete you can see the world for what it is….beautiful, full of discoveries and wide open for adventures….
A painful change into the unknown is sometimes better than familiar comfort.
My attic might have bad lighting but the window is always open and the breeze is ongoing…..besides…I never ran out of batteries and never will.
For the child I was, the teenager I wish I could’ve been and the adult I grew up to be. For the woman I shall grow into…….
This one’s for you….